There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
