In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
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Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
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I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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