I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I don't want my vagina anymore.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
