so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
