i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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