my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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