IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
