It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize