shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
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Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
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I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
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