8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
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In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
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I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.