I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.