Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I want leopard sheets
thats the plan
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
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she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
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i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.