Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?