Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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