My nipple is on Facebook.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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