Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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