38 yer olds are good kisserssss
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
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dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
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I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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