Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
