eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
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