that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize