dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
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at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
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My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...