The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....