And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...