I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i just google imaged poop.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you