i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
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