My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
