Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize