So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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