I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
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Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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