And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
