I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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