i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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