i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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