To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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