I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"