Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well