i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
