I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
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