I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
