Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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