is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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