I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Remember the time you cried about coconuts