I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I seem to have left my pride at pride
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
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The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
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If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me