Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
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He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
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I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.