I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
