i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
