I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
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