I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
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