READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
