I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
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i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
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I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
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