hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
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