clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.