Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
