so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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