youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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