I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
