So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
