i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Please, let me fuck your mom
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize