Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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